Back from the land of the dead

Okay, I'm back. What a mill I've been grinding through since I last posted. Holy momma. If anything could go wrong it did, and as bad as it could.

Where have I been? Well the short answer is right here. I've not gone anywhere and not done anything. My freelance writing has been going very well, and I'm close to getting the kind of life I want for myself. But...

The house still hasn't sold, well over a year after it went on the market. My ex has been hassling me to drop the price but I can only just afford to drop it because I need to pay back my secured loan.

It was on my mind all the time to make a post to let everyone know I was ok, but stuff gets in the way. Financial meltdown grabbed my full attention over the the last few weeks, plus I had horrible flu for at least two of them. Now I’m better, I put my financial affairs in the hands of a debt management agency, and I have a freelance career of sorts, so all is well.

Christmas went without a hitch, despite being home alone. The kids were in Cornwall, Mia was in Helsinki and me and the dog were in Frome. I worried about being lonely and booked up to go to a friends house for Christmas and New Year, then arranged for another old friend to come and see me to plug the gap. Ended up moaning I never had any time to myself over the holidays. :)

And did I tell you about all the time I had off for nervous exhaustion during November and December and how my managers raked me over the coals when I returned?

What else? Oh man, Brent.

My good friend Brent is pretty seriously ill, had exploratory surgery, and now an operation. I talk to him all the time, we do a podcast together, and he’s one of my closest friends. But he sometimes worries when I don't reply to his texts that I’m irritated by him. He asked, are we ok? I said, bro, you and me, we’ll always be ok.

Then he texts me last week.

We text a bit about him leaving me all his stuff, and I'm baffled. Then he called me, it was late I was half asleep, and he told me he was leaving instructions for all his writings and drawings to be sent to me and said “I’m going into hospital tomorrow, and I didn’t want to go without telling you I love you, man.” I told him I love him too and cried myself to sleep.

Thinking about it, it’s been a really crap few months. But you know what? Even though I'm barely making my mortgage and loan, doing work I love but hating "the job", and everything is going west... I'm still the most positive and motivated I have been in years.

People are saying to me I look young or at least very well. I had my hair cut and I'm about to shave my beard. I have plans, goals, interests, dreams and aspirations. I know who I am and where I want to be. In understand myself better and in ways I couldn't have anticipated.

But I hope it's not too little too late. :)

More later... Oh, and PS. I shaved my goatee beard off today. I grew my beard as a kind of protest when I broke up with my ex. I also started smoking again and treated myself really badly. Now I quit smoking in October last year, I treat myself well and now I lost the beard. Normal service will be resumed assoon as possible.

Peace

Px